I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
