Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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