She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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