Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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