Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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