We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
