i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
