A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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