just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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