fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
