Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
