All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
