It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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