We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
