Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
