if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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