I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
