So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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