just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
