If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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