So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
