Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
