I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
