If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
