How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
