She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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