I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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