you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you will always have a special place in my vag
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
