He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
