Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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