He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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