sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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