Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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