Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
