I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
