I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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