She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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