Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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