My nipple is on Facebook.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
