she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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