Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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