she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I had to cum in my sink.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
