I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
