No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
