i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
