we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
