My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
