I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
