Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
