Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
