and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
