I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
