this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
